From Dawn to Dusk... the journal

Sunday, April 29, 2001 * unlearning fear I read somewhere that we do not have to learn courage, we only need to unlearn fear. Interesting thought that. I looked up the word courageous once.  It said; brave, fearless, valiant, dauntless, intrepid, plucky (plucky?) etc., see brave. brave: without fear, having courage (vicious circle?). The point being - none of these words fit.  It made me uncomfortable.  Don't you think that despite everything, you are a brave courageous person?  I mean - when the chips are down, you'd stand tall, right?  Sure you would, or would you?  I kept reading. Braveness suggests daring, being able to face danger, trouble, or fear boldly and with determination. Hmmm, better... Courageous suggests having a strength and firmness of character that makes one able to endure. Definitely a possibility... Today Mama and I were talking about death and who would go first  - not between herself and me (actually we did go there later...) but we started out talking about whether she and my dad ever talked about it.  She said they had, and my father always said that he would go first.  He did.  Mama will be 88 this year and is remarkably healthy and strong.  She is also one of the bravest people I know having watched her mother, father, brother, 2 sisters, husband, daughter, and son all leave this earth before her.  As she says, it's not suppose to happen that way - at least not the children.  Well, I don't want it to happen that way.  And since I don't consider myself brave or courageous, I like those words, " we only need to unlearn fear".  This is tangible.  This is something to work on. Don't ask me what took me down this chain of thought tonight.  I sat here wondering what in the world I would write about and this is what came out.  Funny. I haven't written here since Thursday when the kids came home from Costa Rica - married.   They showed us a tape of the actual wedding (in the rain on a sort of bridge over a river with bats sleeping above).  Definitely an unusual setting.  But something wonderful and simple about it also. Going to close here and hopefully will write a few lines tomorrow.  After that I may not have time for a few days.  We'll see. As my dad use to say, "Keep a stiff upper lip" as well as, "Don't take any wooden nickels!"  (he was English in case you were wondering...). Rian

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