From Dawn to Dusk...
the journal (of the white horse)
Saturday, August 4, 2001
* perceptions again...
Decided to write early this morning. It's about 6:50 a.m. here in Texas. Drinking coffee and thinking mellow thoughts. Will run out for some Seattle Roast and an Asiago cheese bagel on the way to do errands...
Thinking about how we try to structure our lives. Know it's good to have some structure, some plan, some order - but really have never thought it good to be too strict. Probably quite obvious in how my house is kept - clean, somewhat neat, with little pockets of this and that here and there. There's always folded clothes on the sofa in the den, a few towels lying in baskets on the floor of bathrooms, bed turned down at the pillow side - inviting a quick lie down if warranted, etc.
And my study or computer room! - well, that runs from intense pile-ups of papers and coffee cups everywhere (with 3 cats lying among the chaos) to neat and somewhat straight when company comes.
It seems to me that when you try to mold something too closely, you lose some intrinsic aspect that flows through naturally. This is probably why I will never be a really good writer or poet, I can't follow the rules as to how it should be done.
Oh, I can follow them loosely, but if my fingers just type as my heart and mind flow, there's something there - if only for me. If I try to force it to follow stringent rules of proper writing technique - it's no good - or at least it doesn't satisfy me.
The same goes with how I raised my kids. Don't think I was ever strict. I trusted them to do what's right and luck or no, was never disappointed. Thank God I don't have to deal with what parents have to deal with today. Guess some of it was around 20 years or so ago, but if they experimented or were involved in any of it, I never knew and they never gave me cause to worry. (oh, the occasional night out too late and worrying - and sitting on the stairs waiting to acost them when they returned - but that seems so trivial when you hear some parent's stories).
I was watching a little girl at Mass the other day. She was about 7, wore her hair in a ponytail that she must have done herself as it was crooked and half the hair escaping. The neat thing about her wasn't that she was especially cute. She was average. But she had a naturalness about her that intriqued and delighted me. Her father kept turning her shoulders forward to have her face front - and she would do this - for about two minutes. Then she would look all about her, fool with her hair, play with her shoes, whatever - totally not worried about what people thought or what was proper.
It was delightful, but sad - because I knew that it wouldn't be long before she became inundated with worrying about what other people think, what society feels is proper behavior in a given place, with being self-conscious. Of course there's always the chance that she would never completely conform to this norm. As I said, some structure is necessary and as she gets older, her immediate behavior would cease to be cute. But I would hope that she maintains some of her innate naturalness.
My, how our minds go off on tangents...
When I sat down to write, I was actually thinking about how my own perceptions regarding coffee affect how I rate and regard eating establishments.
If the coffee is good, the food can be mediocre. If the coffee and the ambiance is good, I will definitely return. It helps if they have good bread... and if the place is clean (with clean restrooms!) but it all comes down to the COFFEE. The food can be fabulous, but if the coffee is bad -- forget it.
Have to run errands now. Hope you have a good Saturday!
Rian
