Wednesday, July 11, 2001
* moments in time...
Had a strange wonderful dream last night. The kind you awake to with a smile. In it I saw and held my new grand-daughter to be. She was so wonderful. The unusual thing was not that I dreamt of her. I've actually dreamt of her for years. This is an odd story.
I've been dreaming of another girl baby (I have 2 boys and 1 girl) for a long long time. At first I use to think that it was supposed to have been mine.
And since, due to medical reasons I had had surgery which eliminated this possibility at the age of 34, I usually awoke with tears in my eyes - realizing that this child could never be. (Often wondered if my body or my biological clock was mourning this loss of the ability to bear children???)
Anyway, the dreams continued. This girl child was persistent! So, I figured that she must be my grand-daughter to be one day. Two and a half years ago, my oldest son had a son - most beautiful loving child - so dear to my heart. Now my daughter married last year and her baby is due this October.
It's a girl. I could have told her that. But again - it would have been brushed off as wishful thinking - and could well be..
But last night in my dream, this unborn child and I bonded... weird? Maybe, but it still made me smile...
I was planning to talk about "moments in time" - holy moments, not-so-holy moments, and god forbid -- senior moments.
Last night's dream qualifies for a holy moment for me. I haven't had many.
But another that does come to mind was the first time my oldest child tasted ice-cream. He was about 5 months old, chubby and happy, ate well, but didn't smile much in those early months. We were at a Dairy-Queen in Florida -- and I touched the vanilla from my ice-cream cone to his lips.
At first he looked puzzled (maybe because it was cold), then his little face lit up and he broke into this huge grin - twilling his little hands in circles and begging for more. He probably thought, "my god, she's been stuffing me with those jars of crap for months, where has she been hiding this?"
Anyhow, with that grin, my heart leaped for joy inside my body. I never forgott that feeling.
Going to close here today. Will continue with this same thread tomorrow.
Rian
